: Frequently Asked Questions :
So you're a transsexual. What does that mean?
Transsexuals are people whose bodies don't match the way they think and feel, and they seek to remedy this by changing their bodies to match what's inside them. I have struggled with this condition for almost my entire life, since I was very young. I have always felt uncomfortable being the stereotypical male in society, but in order to assimilate, I have learned to play the part convincingly enough to get by.
But over the last few years, as I've learned more and more about what transsexualism is, and how it has affected other people, I have taken steps towards expressing my true nature, although up until the early part of 2005, I wasn't sure where that would eventually lead. Nearly losing my life when my house and all my possessions were destroyed by fire in April made me realize that life is too short to go on pretending to be someone you're not. It was shortly afterwards that I made the decision to come out and start living full-time as Michelle.
How did you choose your name?
This is a question I get a lot. Michelle doesn't mean anything to me, and yet it does. It is a name I have always liked growing up, just the sound of it. It's also a very common female name for Asians (i.e. Michelle Kwan (skater), Michelle Wie (golfer)) and I'm trying to be as ordinary as someone like me can possibly be. When I was thinking of what to call myself, Michelle was the name that kept popping into my head so I just went with what felt right.
What's the difference between transsexual and transgendered? I hear both terms a lot.
There are many kinds of transgendered people, and among them are transsexuals. Transgendered is a general term that encompasses crossdressers, transsexuals, female and male impersonators, drag queens/kings, intersexed individuals (hermaphrodites), gender dysphorics, and others who do not or chose not to fit into commonly prescribed gender labels. A transsexual is a person who desires to live full-time in the opposite gender role from their birth sex, and takes appropriate steps to do so, which can include sex reassignment surgery (SRS).
What does being transsexual have to do with sex?
Because the word transsexual has the word "sex" in it, people often think it's mostly about sex. While that's sometimes part of it, transsexuals are usually more interested in getting their bodies to match their inner identity, rather than finding a partner. For me, it's really about having my body match how I perceive myself in my mind, and adjust accordingly how I am perceived by the world at large.
How did you get this way?
Plain truth is, nobody knows what causes this, although theories abound. Many people believe there is a biological component. The most common theory involves hormones affecting fetal brain development. But again, no one knows for sure. Personally, I don't really care what the cause is. I've felt this way as long as I can remember, and I think it's better to look forward than backwards.
I don't think of being transsexual as a blessing or a curse. I just think of it as a trait, like being right-handed or tall. Unfortunately, any trait carries with it certain social stereotypical presumptions. The misconceptions transsexuals have to deal with are that it's all about sex, or that we're all flamboyant, ultra-feminine divas. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I just find that living and interacting with other people as a female feels right.
When did you know you were different?
One of my earliest memories of being TG was in elementary school. I used to jump rope with the girls when the boys were playing games on the playground - I was pretty good at it too. I've always preferred the company of girls growing up - I never had a stage where I thought girls were icky. It also pained me to see girls being teased by guys, and of course I never did it when my male peers did.
I had serious thoughts about being TG by the time I graduated from college, but at the time I didn't understand transsexualism, nor did I seek treatment. The Internet was still very new in 1990, and there was very little information available online, unlike today. A couple years later, I met my wife and we fell in love, which pushed all thoughts of being TG out of my head for almost a decade. A couple years ago, I started to realize that I was getting more and more unhappy because I wasn't addressing those feelings I had after college. I told my wife, and we endured an emotional roller coaster, as you can expect, but she eventually accepted that this was something I had to do. I started counseling and was diagnosed with GID in July 2004.
So what has been going on since you started?
I've been taking steps to transition since last July, which includes undergoing laser procedures to remove my facial hair (yeowch!), starting hormone therapy, growing my hair, developing a female voice through speech training, buying clothes and learning to use makeup. I have been living part-time as female (nights and weekends) since this past May. Once I go full-time starting in October, I will have my name legally changed on all my identification documents (driver's license, social security card, etc.).
What is the next step for you?
I am planning to have cosmetic feminization surgery on my face, breasts and midsection on Oct. 27 to improve my ability to pass as female. The final stage of the Standards of Care set by the medical community is the Real Life Test (RLT), which involves living as a member of the desired sex for a period of time. This is to help transsexuals determine if sex-reassignment surgery is right for him or her. In most cases, the transsexual is required to live for a minimum of one year in the preferred gender in order to be approved for sex-reassignment surgery. During the one-year RLT, I will need to present myself as female 24/7 to prove I can function in society.
Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) is the final event in the sex-reassignment process. Although transsexuals have no reproductive organs (uterus/ovaries) the final result is cosmetically and functionally indistinguishable from that of genetic females. Some decide not to have this surgery, but I currently plan to have it.
So how does it feel to be transgendered?
It's basically being uncomfortable with your own skin, and not in an "I don't like my nose" kind of way. It's like you have something painfully wrong inside you that you can't fix, so you deal with it every moment of your life the best you can. Most of the time you can ignore it, but it never goes away. And from all accounts, it gets stronger as you get older until you do something about it. I could probably ignore the need to transition for a few years or even a decade. But if I chose to ignore it or deny it as I've done in the past, I would not be living an honest life. Suppressing one's identity over a long period of time can sometimes lead to more serious psychological conditions, such as schizophrenia, alcoholism, depression, and suicide, as the TG person attempts to deal with the internal pain caused by being forced to be someone they are not. I haven't gotten to the suicidal point yet, but I'm not going to wait around for that to happen. Life is too short, and I know I would be depressed and unhappy if I did not address my TG issues now. I would certainly have regrets later in life.
Transsexuals are people whose bodies don't match the way they think and feel, and they seek to remedy this by changing their bodies to match what's inside them. I have struggled with this condition for almost my entire life, since I was very young. I have always felt uncomfortable being the stereotypical male in society, but in order to assimilate, I have learned to play the part convincingly enough to get by.
But over the last few years, as I've learned more and more about what transsexualism is, and how it has affected other people, I have taken steps towards expressing my true nature, although up until the early part of 2005, I wasn't sure where that would eventually lead. Nearly losing my life when my house and all my possessions were destroyed by fire in April made me realize that life is too short to go on pretending to be someone you're not. It was shortly afterwards that I made the decision to come out and start living full-time as Michelle.
How did you choose your name?
This is a question I get a lot. Michelle doesn't mean anything to me, and yet it does. It is a name I have always liked growing up, just the sound of it. It's also a very common female name for Asians (i.e. Michelle Kwan (skater), Michelle Wie (golfer)) and I'm trying to be as ordinary as someone like me can possibly be. When I was thinking of what to call myself, Michelle was the name that kept popping into my head so I just went with what felt right.
What's the difference between transsexual and transgendered? I hear both terms a lot.
There are many kinds of transgendered people, and among them are transsexuals. Transgendered is a general term that encompasses crossdressers, transsexuals, female and male impersonators, drag queens/kings, intersexed individuals (hermaphrodites), gender dysphorics, and others who do not or chose not to fit into commonly prescribed gender labels. A transsexual is a person who desires to live full-time in the opposite gender role from their birth sex, and takes appropriate steps to do so, which can include sex reassignment surgery (SRS).
What does being transsexual have to do with sex?
Because the word transsexual has the word "sex" in it, people often think it's mostly about sex. While that's sometimes part of it, transsexuals are usually more interested in getting their bodies to match their inner identity, rather than finding a partner. For me, it's really about having my body match how I perceive myself in my mind, and adjust accordingly how I am perceived by the world at large.
How did you get this way?
Plain truth is, nobody knows what causes this, although theories abound. Many people believe there is a biological component. The most common theory involves hormones affecting fetal brain development. But again, no one knows for sure. Personally, I don't really care what the cause is. I've felt this way as long as I can remember, and I think it's better to look forward than backwards.
I don't think of being transsexual as a blessing or a curse. I just think of it as a trait, like being right-handed or tall. Unfortunately, any trait carries with it certain social stereotypical presumptions. The misconceptions transsexuals have to deal with are that it's all about sex, or that we're all flamboyant, ultra-feminine divas. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I just find that living and interacting with other people as a female feels right.
When did you know you were different?
One of my earliest memories of being TG was in elementary school. I used to jump rope with the girls when the boys were playing games on the playground - I was pretty good at it too. I've always preferred the company of girls growing up - I never had a stage where I thought girls were icky. It also pained me to see girls being teased by guys, and of course I never did it when my male peers did.
I had serious thoughts about being TG by the time I graduated from college, but at the time I didn't understand transsexualism, nor did I seek treatment. The Internet was still very new in 1990, and there was very little information available online, unlike today. A couple years later, I met my wife and we fell in love, which pushed all thoughts of being TG out of my head for almost a decade. A couple years ago, I started to realize that I was getting more and more unhappy because I wasn't addressing those feelings I had after college. I told my wife, and we endured an emotional roller coaster, as you can expect, but she eventually accepted that this was something I had to do. I started counseling and was diagnosed with GID in July 2004.
So what has been going on since you started?
I've been taking steps to transition since last July, which includes undergoing laser procedures to remove my facial hair (yeowch!), starting hormone therapy, growing my hair, developing a female voice through speech training, buying clothes and learning to use makeup. I have been living part-time as female (nights and weekends) since this past May. Once I go full-time starting in October, I will have my name legally changed on all my identification documents (driver's license, social security card, etc.).
What is the next step for you?
I am planning to have cosmetic feminization surgery on my face, breasts and midsection on Oct. 27 to improve my ability to pass as female. The final stage of the Standards of Care set by the medical community is the Real Life Test (RLT), which involves living as a member of the desired sex for a period of time. This is to help transsexuals determine if sex-reassignment surgery is right for him or her. In most cases, the transsexual is required to live for a minimum of one year in the preferred gender in order to be approved for sex-reassignment surgery. During the one-year RLT, I will need to present myself as female 24/7 to prove I can function in society.
Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) is the final event in the sex-reassignment process. Although transsexuals have no reproductive organs (uterus/ovaries) the final result is cosmetically and functionally indistinguishable from that of genetic females. Some decide not to have this surgery, but I currently plan to have it.
So how does it feel to be transgendered?
It's basically being uncomfortable with your own skin, and not in an "I don't like my nose" kind of way. It's like you have something painfully wrong inside you that you can't fix, so you deal with it every moment of your life the best you can. Most of the time you can ignore it, but it never goes away. And from all accounts, it gets stronger as you get older until you do something about it. I could probably ignore the need to transition for a few years or even a decade. But if I chose to ignore it or deny it as I've done in the past, I would not be living an honest life. Suppressing one's identity over a long period of time can sometimes lead to more serious psychological conditions, such as schizophrenia, alcoholism, depression, and suicide, as the TG person attempts to deal with the internal pain caused by being forced to be someone they are not. I haven't gotten to the suicidal point yet, but I'm not going to wait around for that to happen. Life is too short, and I know I would be depressed and unhappy if I did not address my TG issues now. I would certainly have regrets later in life.
