: Thinking of SRS :
Every day I start up my car, and a red light comes on the dash that tells me that my airbags, or supplemental restraint system (SRS) is working. And everytime I see those red letters SRS light up, I think about the possibility of undergoing sex reassignment surgery (SRS) someday.
For some trans-folks, SRS is something they have wanted all their lives. I know some t-girls who absolutely hated having a penis, and couldn't wait to get it taken off. For me, I can pretty much take it or leave it. I don't hate the thing itself, but I do want to be rid of it eventually because I want my body to be as close to a normal girl's as possible. I'm fairly pragmatic about the fact that I have the "wrong" parts right now - it's something I'll deal with when the time is right.
People sometimes ask me if I like guys now, or if I ever did. The answer right now is that I'm not sure. I'm still attracted to girls, and I find that I'm starting to notice guys as well, maybe just because I can. Part of it is that noticing what's attractive about males makes me feel more feminine, and I recognize that I feel a need to be perceived as "normal." But the bottom line is that I'm far from what society judges to be normal, so there's not much point in living up to anyone's expectations at this point, save my own.
A big part of my transition has been reinventing myself, retaining what I liked about myself before and giving myself the opportunity to explore and become who I felt I needed to be. It's only after you defy all of society's rules that you realize how much those rules have shaped your life. Breaking free from all conventions gives me the freedom to explore and pursue my true identity, whether it's male, female, trans, straight, gay, bi or pan-sexual.
But one thing I've learned is that the most important thing about a person is who they are inside, not what they look like on the outside. Everyone wears masks at one time or another, sometimes purposely to deceive, sometimes because they are not ready yet to change into their true selves. Being able to take of my mask and show the world my true self has been the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. And no matter how else things turn out in my life, at least I have given myself the opportunity to be happy.
For some trans-folks, SRS is something they have wanted all their lives. I know some t-girls who absolutely hated having a penis, and couldn't wait to get it taken off. For me, I can pretty much take it or leave it. I don't hate the thing itself, but I do want to be rid of it eventually because I want my body to be as close to a normal girl's as possible. I'm fairly pragmatic about the fact that I have the "wrong" parts right now - it's something I'll deal with when the time is right.
People sometimes ask me if I like guys now, or if I ever did. The answer right now is that I'm not sure. I'm still attracted to girls, and I find that I'm starting to notice guys as well, maybe just because I can. Part of it is that noticing what's attractive about males makes me feel more feminine, and I recognize that I feel a need to be perceived as "normal." But the bottom line is that I'm far from what society judges to be normal, so there's not much point in living up to anyone's expectations at this point, save my own.
A big part of my transition has been reinventing myself, retaining what I liked about myself before and giving myself the opportunity to explore and become who I felt I needed to be. It's only after you defy all of society's rules that you realize how much those rules have shaped your life. Breaking free from all conventions gives me the freedom to explore and pursue my true identity, whether it's male, female, trans, straight, gay, bi or pan-sexual.
But one thing I've learned is that the most important thing about a person is who they are inside, not what they look like on the outside. Everyone wears masks at one time or another, sometimes purposely to deceive, sometimes because they are not ready yet to change into their true selves. Being able to take of my mask and show the world my true self has been the most challenging and the most rewarding thing I've ever done. And no matter how else things turn out in my life, at least I have given myself the opportunity to be happy.
