: Merry Christmas! :
It's Christmas Eve, and I have a most unexpected visit planned with my parents and brother in a few hours. I say unexpected because ever since I came out to them earlier this year in February, they have not been handling my transition very well. Their reaction after I first told them I am transgendered was fairly positive - they said they would always love me, and they said they understood why I needed to do this.
But subsequently, nearly all of our communications have been in the form of increasingly nasty letters and emails, first them trying to find a "cure" for me, and later urging me to reconsider using threats of divine retribution. After a few months of writing lengthy letters trying to make them understand what I'm going through and getting nowhere, I cut off communications with my parents. It was just getting too painful for me to continue hearing all the negativity from them. My brother, who has never been very close to me in our adult lives, wrote me one letter expressing his disapproval, on the grounds that he thought I was being influenced by the pro-GLBT lobby (everything is a political conspiracy to him). So he has been mostly absent from the whole situation (he lives in Dallas and rarely visits Houston).
Ever since this past May, my parents and I have been at an impasse - they have steadfastly refused to acknowledge me as Michelle, and say they will not call me by any other name than the one they gave me, no matter what I look like or what my wishes are. And I have refused to be in their presence any longer than absolutely necessary just for that reason. Last Fourth of July (Independence Day in the U.S., for the benefit of my international readers) my brother came home for a visit, and they invited me to come for dinner, on the condition that I dress in boy-mode and tolerate their refusal to acknowledge my transition. Of course, I stayed home.
Since then, I have seen my parents exactly two other times, both in girl-mode, both visits lasted less than 30 minutes. But of course, now my appearance is much more feminine after surgery, and further refinement of my presentation skills (hair, makeup, dress, etc.) My brother has never seen me in girl-mode at all - the last time we saw each other, I wasn't out to my family yet. He's going to be in for the biggest shock.
So after I didn't hear anything from them over Thanksgiving, I figured Christmas would be the same. But finally, there's been a breakthrough, as my mom wrote an email inviting me to dinner tonight, and saying I could come as I am, and whether I wanted to be called by my old name or new name, either was fine with them. She did say that they would feel closer to me as a boy, and feel as strangers toward Michelle (even though they are the same person - go figure). I suppose that's her way of trying to get me to choose to come visit in boy-mode. But I don't think she understands that I have been living full-time as a girl since the first of October, and I'm through with pretending to be a guy.
Since I'm not expecting open arms and full understanding, given that we haven't talked to each other for any significant length of time since May, I decided it would be best not to stay for dinner, but just to visit briefly before leaving to have dinner with my friends, which I had already committed to. So I'm going to go over early in the afternoon, drop off some presents, let them see me in girl-mode, answer a few questions and leave. Perhaps we will be comfortable enough at that point to schedule another dinner at a later date over the holidays, but best to take things slowly at this point.
I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful, happy New Year!
But subsequently, nearly all of our communications have been in the form of increasingly nasty letters and emails, first them trying to find a "cure" for me, and later urging me to reconsider using threats of divine retribution. After a few months of writing lengthy letters trying to make them understand what I'm going through and getting nowhere, I cut off communications with my parents. It was just getting too painful for me to continue hearing all the negativity from them. My brother, who has never been very close to me in our adult lives, wrote me one letter expressing his disapproval, on the grounds that he thought I was being influenced by the pro-GLBT lobby (everything is a political conspiracy to him). So he has been mostly absent from the whole situation (he lives in Dallas and rarely visits Houston).
Ever since this past May, my parents and I have been at an impasse - they have steadfastly refused to acknowledge me as Michelle, and say they will not call me by any other name than the one they gave me, no matter what I look like or what my wishes are. And I have refused to be in their presence any longer than absolutely necessary just for that reason. Last Fourth of July (Independence Day in the U.S., for the benefit of my international readers) my brother came home for a visit, and they invited me to come for dinner, on the condition that I dress in boy-mode and tolerate their refusal to acknowledge my transition. Of course, I stayed home.
Since then, I have seen my parents exactly two other times, both in girl-mode, both visits lasted less than 30 minutes. But of course, now my appearance is much more feminine after surgery, and further refinement of my presentation skills (hair, makeup, dress, etc.) My brother has never seen me in girl-mode at all - the last time we saw each other, I wasn't out to my family yet. He's going to be in for the biggest shock.
So after I didn't hear anything from them over Thanksgiving, I figured Christmas would be the same. But finally, there's been a breakthrough, as my mom wrote an email inviting me to dinner tonight, and saying I could come as I am, and whether I wanted to be called by my old name or new name, either was fine with them. She did say that they would feel closer to me as a boy, and feel as strangers toward Michelle (even though they are the same person - go figure). I suppose that's her way of trying to get me to choose to come visit in boy-mode. But I don't think she understands that I have been living full-time as a girl since the first of October, and I'm through with pretending to be a guy.
Since I'm not expecting open arms and full understanding, given that we haven't talked to each other for any significant length of time since May, I decided it would be best not to stay for dinner, but just to visit briefly before leaving to have dinner with my friends, which I had already committed to. So I'm going to go over early in the afternoon, drop off some presents, let them see me in girl-mode, answer a few questions and leave. Perhaps we will be comfortable enough at that point to schedule another dinner at a later date over the holidays, but best to take things slowly at this point.
I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful, happy New Year!
