: Being female :
I got an email from a former co-worker whom I haven't heard from in years. It's amazing how my transition has touched people from my long-past days and prompted them to write me to express their support. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would also condemn my transition, but fortunately, they don't bother to write.
So this gentleman responded to my previous post when I referred to "acting" female versus "being" female. He wondered why I needed to act - why not just be myself? This is a valid question, and this was my response to him.
Hi (friend),
Gosh, long time no hear from! I hope things are going well for you and your family these days.
It's a little difficult to explain what I mean about "acting" female. I know that I am female inside, and probably have had a female mindset since birth, but for more than 35 years I've been taught to act male. It's a lot like that case of children being raised by wolves, or the Tarzan story - in order for them to become human and be accepted as human, they have to unlearn their animal behaviors and learn human ones. I have to do the same with my male and female behaviors. Sure, I can be female-looking on the outside and act male, but I want to be accepted as female. So that's why I have to learn to speak, sit, walk, eat, drink, socialize and behave as a female, while unlearning the male behaviors that have become ingrained in my routine. It's all about trying to be as "normal" a female as I can be.
The thing that most non-trans people don't get is that everybody "acts" in day-to-day life. There is a routine for men and women that has been learned from childhood and shaped by living in society. Nearly everything we do from the time we awake to going to sleep is done in a "male" or "female" manner, from brushing one's teeth to sitting in a Starbucks. Some things are more important than others because they are more public, but the point is, we all "act" the way we're supposed to, and a lot of it is dependent on what gender we were assigned at birth when the doctor looked at our genitalia and decided "male" or "female". Overcoming that incorrect designation (in my case) is the challenge I'm facing.
So I hope that you have just a tiny bit more understanding about the obstacles in being transgender. With practice, time and experience, my female presentation will become less of an "act" and more of simply "being" female.
Take care, and thank you for your well wishes!
Hugs,
Michelle
So this gentleman responded to my previous post when I referred to "acting" female versus "being" female. He wondered why I needed to act - why not just be myself? This is a valid question, and this was my response to him.
Hi (friend),
Gosh, long time no hear from! I hope things are going well for you and your family these days.
It's a little difficult to explain what I mean about "acting" female. I know that I am female inside, and probably have had a female mindset since birth, but for more than 35 years I've been taught to act male. It's a lot like that case of children being raised by wolves, or the Tarzan story - in order for them to become human and be accepted as human, they have to unlearn their animal behaviors and learn human ones. I have to do the same with my male and female behaviors. Sure, I can be female-looking on the outside and act male, but I want to be accepted as female. So that's why I have to learn to speak, sit, walk, eat, drink, socialize and behave as a female, while unlearning the male behaviors that have become ingrained in my routine. It's all about trying to be as "normal" a female as I can be.
The thing that most non-trans people don't get is that everybody "acts" in day-to-day life. There is a routine for men and women that has been learned from childhood and shaped by living in society. Nearly everything we do from the time we awake to going to sleep is done in a "male" or "female" manner, from brushing one's teeth to sitting in a Starbucks. Some things are more important than others because they are more public, but the point is, we all "act" the way we're supposed to, and a lot of it is dependent on what gender we were assigned at birth when the doctor looked at our genitalia and decided "male" or "female". Overcoming that incorrect designation (in my case) is the challenge I'm facing.
So I hope that you have just a tiny bit more understanding about the obstacles in being transgender. With practice, time and experience, my female presentation will become less of an "act" and more of simply "being" female.
Take care, and thank you for your well wishes!
Hugs,
Michelle
