: The rules of TG dating :
I went out for a light supper tonight with some of my favorite ex-coworkers at a Thai restaurant. One of them, a lady a few years older than me and also divorced, lamented that the dating prospects for women "of a certain age" were pretty bleak. I told her what she had to deal with was nothing compared to the complications of dating for trans-women. And unfortunately, she had to agree.
Every transgendered person has their own rules about when and how much to tell a potential partner. Some won't go out on a date unless the other party knows beforehand they are TG, preferring not to waste any time on people who might prove to be intolerant. Some people wait until physical sex is imminent before spilling the beans. Most TG people do something in between these two extremes. Some TG people tell the whole story ("I was born in a male (or female) body"), while some tell part of the story, especially if they are post-operative and have the correct body parts ("I have a genetic anomaly and so I can't bear children" is an example).
Of course, once you are post-operative, you don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. If you are post-op and even your significant other doesn't know about your past, that is called being in "deep stealth" mode. If your partner or close friends know, but your co-workers and most acquaintances don't, that is called being in "stealth" mode. And if you make no effort to hide your past, then you are openly transsexual.
It may or may not surprise you that there are a number of people in the world, mostly men, who are attracted specifically to pre-operative transsexuals (those who have not yet undergone genital reassignment surgery). These people are called "admirers" or "chasers," depending on how they go about it. Some TG people don't like chasers, because ostensibly they are attracted to the very thing that TG people usually don't like about ourselves. Chasers also tend to be focused on sex as the objective of a relationship, which further turns off some TG people. Being thought of as a sexual object usually isn't the best way to begin a relationship. However, the alternative viewpoint is that if you date a TG admirer, at least you know that you have some basic sexual compatibility, and again, you aren't wasting time barking up the wrong tree. In a way, it's not all that different from straight people only wanting to date the opposite sex, or gay people only wanting to date the same sex.
All of this is purely academic on my part, since I am currently off the market and planning to remain so for a very, very long time. Which is perfectly fine with me, because I am very happy with my life right now, and I have no reason to complicate it further by dating. Obviously with me being a non-traditional girl, I'm not into the whole traditional path of dating leading to marriage and starting a family - two things I've done before and am not likely to ever do again. So I'm just taking it one day at a time and enjoying my own life as I've always wanted to live it.
Every transgendered person has their own rules about when and how much to tell a potential partner. Some won't go out on a date unless the other party knows beforehand they are TG, preferring not to waste any time on people who might prove to be intolerant. Some people wait until physical sex is imminent before spilling the beans. Most TG people do something in between these two extremes. Some TG people tell the whole story ("I was born in a male (or female) body"), while some tell part of the story, especially if they are post-operative and have the correct body parts ("I have a genetic anomaly and so I can't bear children" is an example).
Of course, once you are post-operative, you don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. If you are post-op and even your significant other doesn't know about your past, that is called being in "deep stealth" mode. If your partner or close friends know, but your co-workers and most acquaintances don't, that is called being in "stealth" mode. And if you make no effort to hide your past, then you are openly transsexual.
It may or may not surprise you that there are a number of people in the world, mostly men, who are attracted specifically to pre-operative transsexuals (those who have not yet undergone genital reassignment surgery). These people are called "admirers" or "chasers," depending on how they go about it. Some TG people don't like chasers, because ostensibly they are attracted to the very thing that TG people usually don't like about ourselves. Chasers also tend to be focused on sex as the objective of a relationship, which further turns off some TG people. Being thought of as a sexual object usually isn't the best way to begin a relationship. However, the alternative viewpoint is that if you date a TG admirer, at least you know that you have some basic sexual compatibility, and again, you aren't wasting time barking up the wrong tree. In a way, it's not all that different from straight people only wanting to date the opposite sex, or gay people only wanting to date the same sex.
All of this is purely academic on my part, since I am currently off the market and planning to remain so for a very, very long time. Which is perfectly fine with me, because I am very happy with my life right now, and I have no reason to complicate it further by dating. Obviously with me being a non-traditional girl, I'm not into the whole traditional path of dating leading to marriage and starting a family - two things I've done before and am not likely to ever do again. So I'm just taking it one day at a time and enjoying my own life as I've always wanted to live it.
