: La Vie Boheme :
I recently saw the movie Rent and today I bought the soundtrack and I just finished listening to it. Seeing the movie really affected me deeply on many different levels. What I found interesting is that about five years ago, I saw Rent on Broadway when I was in New York for a PR conference with some co-workers. I distinctly remember my impression of the play even now - the first song, "Seasons of Love" stuck in my mind as a great pop song but the rest of the play didn't move me at all. It wasn't that the songs weren't good or the story didn't make sense. I simply couldn't connect or identify with the characters.
Five years ago I was a typical upper-middle class male - stable, predictable and respected by many. I didn't know a single person who was HIV-positive. The only gay person I had any regular contact with was my boss. I didn't know anyone who was homeless, or who didn't own a car or a cell phone. I didn't know anyone who couldn't afford to live without a roommate if they chose to. I didn't know any adults who didn't have a career in some field or another. Today, all of these things are untrue.
Another thing that has changed, besides the obvious, is that I'm much more open with expressing my emotions now than I was before. Prior to transition, I very rarely cried - like maybe once or twice in two decades since I was teenager. I was also rarely angry enough to raise my voice, or aroused enough to flirt with someone. All of this is in the process of changing as I continue to dismantle the male construct I've built around myself since birth.
Needless to say, my reaction to seeing the movie was 180 degrees from my reaction five years ago to the Broadway play. I enjoyed every frame immensely, and broke down into tears at the end. Finally, I understand what all the fuss was about when the show was the hottest thing on Broadway. Of all the musical theater shows I've seen in my life (Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ Superstar, Crazy for You, Jekyll & Hyde and My Fair Lady) Rent is now probably my favorite or tied with Les Miz.
One thing I thought about after watching Rent was how I perceived the character Angel, who is a drag queen. I expect that if I were to have my parents watch the movie, they would think that I'm exactly the same as Angel, a genetic male "pretending" to be a woman. Of course this is entirely untrue. The difference is that I'm not pretending - I am a woman mentally and someday I will be physically and legally one as well.
Quite frankly, as someone who has the brain sex of a woman, it's rather difficult for me to entirely understand a drag queen's persona. Being transsexual, I'm trying my best to be unequivocably female. Sometimes this desire to project a public image that matches my internal identity makes me behave differently than if I were simply being myself without regard to gender-based behavior. I try to reduce ambiguity in my gender presentation, while drag queens revel in such ambiguity, which makes some people uncomfortable. But just as I'm not trying to be clearly female in order to make people comfortable, I don't think drag queens are doing the opposite in order to make people uncomfortable. We are all simply trying to express the identity that we feel we are inside with honesty and then trying to find acceptance in the world.
Five years ago I was a typical upper-middle class male - stable, predictable and respected by many. I didn't know a single person who was HIV-positive. The only gay person I had any regular contact with was my boss. I didn't know anyone who was homeless, or who didn't own a car or a cell phone. I didn't know anyone who couldn't afford to live without a roommate if they chose to. I didn't know any adults who didn't have a career in some field or another. Today, all of these things are untrue.
Another thing that has changed, besides the obvious, is that I'm much more open with expressing my emotions now than I was before. Prior to transition, I very rarely cried - like maybe once or twice in two decades since I was teenager. I was also rarely angry enough to raise my voice, or aroused enough to flirt with someone. All of this is in the process of changing as I continue to dismantle the male construct I've built around myself since birth.
Needless to say, my reaction to seeing the movie was 180 degrees from my reaction five years ago to the Broadway play. I enjoyed every frame immensely, and broke down into tears at the end. Finally, I understand what all the fuss was about when the show was the hottest thing on Broadway. Of all the musical theater shows I've seen in my life (Les Miserables, Miss Saigon, Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ Superstar, Crazy for You, Jekyll & Hyde and My Fair Lady) Rent is now probably my favorite or tied with Les Miz.
One thing I thought about after watching Rent was how I perceived the character Angel, who is a drag queen. I expect that if I were to have my parents watch the movie, they would think that I'm exactly the same as Angel, a genetic male "pretending" to be a woman. Of course this is entirely untrue. The difference is that I'm not pretending - I am a woman mentally and someday I will be physically and legally one as well.
Quite frankly, as someone who has the brain sex of a woman, it's rather difficult for me to entirely understand a drag queen's persona. Being transsexual, I'm trying my best to be unequivocably female. Sometimes this desire to project a public image that matches my internal identity makes me behave differently than if I were simply being myself without regard to gender-based behavior. I try to reduce ambiguity in my gender presentation, while drag queens revel in such ambiguity, which makes some people uncomfortable. But just as I'm not trying to be clearly female in order to make people comfortable, I don't think drag queens are doing the opposite in order to make people uncomfortable. We are all simply trying to express the identity that we feel we are inside with honesty and then trying to find acceptance in the world.
