: Announcements :
Before I get started on my entry, I'd like to mention two things that are overdue.
First I wanted to wish my friend Mandy a happy birthday - her 25th birthday was on August 11. I found Mandy through mutual online friends, and we've known each other since early 2005. Mandy went through transition about a year before I did, and it had a lot of rough patches. Yet despite all the challenges that life continues to throw at her, she perseveres and doesn't let anyone or anything get in her way. She is really one of the bravest people I know. She's also beautiful, someone who showed me that t-girls who transition out of their teens don't have to look like men in drag, as so many of the ones I'd seen up until that time did. She was one of the first people in my life who made me realize that I could transition and be perceived as a "normal" girl and not a freak.
The second announcement is that my friend Alessandra is getting married! She has also gone through some difficult times in recent years unrelated to her transition (she transitioned about nine years ago at age 14) - her health, her family life and her first marriage have all taken a toll on her. But after going through a lot of it with her since we started being friends in late 2004, I am hopeful that this is the start of a positive chapter in her life.
As for me, I know I've been rather delinquent on this blog, but it's going to be an ongoing trend I'm afraid. It shouldn't come as any surprise to regular readers that in contrast to the period of my life when I started this blog and now, it's like night and day in terms of my attitude toward, and availability of free time. When I started this blog in January 2005 I was in a very comfortable place in my life in some ways, and yet going through a period of tremendous inner turmoil. Then after the fire in April, things started to change. My family split up, I started living by myself in an apartment, and I went into what I call my cocoon period when I worked on my gender transition. During much of that time I was very much alone, in terms of having physical proximity to close confidants and people I considered family.
However, since starting work in July and being here with my adopted family, I have had little desire to spend my suddenly scarce free time puttering on the computer. This is probably a reaction from the bygone days where I was alone in my Houston apartment, spending entire days online chatting, blogging and surfing the Net. Today I'm much more likely to be hanging out with my family, cooking, shopping or reading a book than be online. In short, my life has become a lot less about documenting my transition and more about actually living it.
There are still things I want to write in here, thoughts that occur to me in my relatively rare position of being someone who has lived on both sides of the gender line. For example, I still have times when I struggle with the complexities of being a girl. Yesterday I wore a very low-cut wrap top and forgot to wear a camisole underneath it, so the whole day I noticed men staring at my chest and it became very embarrassing for me. It's interesting how I'm slowly evolving away from that mindset of wanting to see a woman's breasts since I see them in the mirror every day. I find that now I can look at a picture of a nude woman and not actually be aroused, but just appreciate the beauty of the female form - its sensuous curves and mysterious details. And of course I can't help but feel a touch of envy seeing things I know I'll never have - wide hips, a narrow waist, a natural shape - but realize that in that respect, I'm probably not much different from any other woman who is insecure about her looks.
So I just wanted the few people who read this blog to take note that there's a reason why I'm not posting as often as I used to. Life demands time to live, and I intend to live it to the fullest. It's important to me to find balance, and to get on with my life in the real world.
First I wanted to wish my friend Mandy a happy birthday - her 25th birthday was on August 11. I found Mandy through mutual online friends, and we've known each other since early 2005. Mandy went through transition about a year before I did, and it had a lot of rough patches. Yet despite all the challenges that life continues to throw at her, she perseveres and doesn't let anyone or anything get in her way. She is really one of the bravest people I know. She's also beautiful, someone who showed me that t-girls who transition out of their teens don't have to look like men in drag, as so many of the ones I'd seen up until that time did. She was one of the first people in my life who made me realize that I could transition and be perceived as a "normal" girl and not a freak.
The second announcement is that my friend Alessandra is getting married! She has also gone through some difficult times in recent years unrelated to her transition (she transitioned about nine years ago at age 14) - her health, her family life and her first marriage have all taken a toll on her. But after going through a lot of it with her since we started being friends in late 2004, I am hopeful that this is the start of a positive chapter in her life.
As for me, I know I've been rather delinquent on this blog, but it's going to be an ongoing trend I'm afraid. It shouldn't come as any surprise to regular readers that in contrast to the period of my life when I started this blog and now, it's like night and day in terms of my attitude toward, and availability of free time. When I started this blog in January 2005 I was in a very comfortable place in my life in some ways, and yet going through a period of tremendous inner turmoil. Then after the fire in April, things started to change. My family split up, I started living by myself in an apartment, and I went into what I call my cocoon period when I worked on my gender transition. During much of that time I was very much alone, in terms of having physical proximity to close confidants and people I considered family.
However, since starting work in July and being here with my adopted family, I have had little desire to spend my suddenly scarce free time puttering on the computer. This is probably a reaction from the bygone days where I was alone in my Houston apartment, spending entire days online chatting, blogging and surfing the Net. Today I'm much more likely to be hanging out with my family, cooking, shopping or reading a book than be online. In short, my life has become a lot less about documenting my transition and more about actually living it.
There are still things I want to write in here, thoughts that occur to me in my relatively rare position of being someone who has lived on both sides of the gender line. For example, I still have times when I struggle with the complexities of being a girl. Yesterday I wore a very low-cut wrap top and forgot to wear a camisole underneath it, so the whole day I noticed men staring at my chest and it became very embarrassing for me. It's interesting how I'm slowly evolving away from that mindset of wanting to see a woman's breasts since I see them in the mirror every day. I find that now I can look at a picture of a nude woman and not actually be aroused, but just appreciate the beauty of the female form - its sensuous curves and mysterious details. And of course I can't help but feel a touch of envy seeing things I know I'll never have - wide hips, a narrow waist, a natural shape - but realize that in that respect, I'm probably not much different from any other woman who is insecure about her looks.
So I just wanted the few people who read this blog to take note that there's a reason why I'm not posting as often as I used to. Life demands time to live, and I intend to live it to the fullest. It's important to me to find balance, and to get on with my life in the real world.
